And behold there was Neb, Destroyer of Toys, and all that followed was chaos and fun
Name: Nebula “Neb” Jehoshaphat Crazypants
Nicknames: Neb, Mr. Nebulous, Neb Nub, Nebbychadnezzar, The Nebulizer
Proper titles and acknowledgments: Destroyer of Toys, Chaos Warlord Neb, Bub
Love language: Violence
Favorite toys:
- Feathers on a flexible stick wrapped in electrical tape
- Rainbow ribbon
- Stuffed bunny
- Your feet
Origin story: Nebula was discovered at about 8 weeks old in a North Portland neighborhood with his brother Nova and other kitten siblings roaming the streets and dodging local traffic. He climbed and was subsequentially plucked from a tree (now since named The Chaos Tree) and taken home.
Neb is strictly in-doors because he would absolutely murder 100% of the local ground and aerial fauna and also likely eat 97.6% of the local flora. He also believes other cats like to fight and wrestle and chase as much as he does and doesn’t understand why they don’t think it’s a form of affection as he does.
Neb’s window: Neb thinks you’re the human in the human zoo and the main entertainment on the CatTV. He appreciates the attention. He’s the extrovert in the family.
Neb survival tips:
- Don’t let him see you putting on socks. Bare feet and barely ensockened feet are prime targets for dagger claws and chompy teeth, even if you’re his favorite set of thumbs in human form.
- He will adjust your neck when headbutting your chin with the utmost affection, so brace your spine for impact.
- Move your keyboard away from his butt. He will make your video game character jump incessantly while he’s adjusting your chin and spine with love.
- Plastic bags are magically delicious and should be kept away from him at all times.
- As Destroyer of Toys, he must be accommodated the finest re-electrical-taped feather toys on a stick and entertained with their wild, chaotic floppage and fluttering at least twice a day.
- He will demand you go to bed earlier than you want, then immediately decide to keep you awake with demands for playtime and fuss and then wake you up too early in the morning while running on his massive hamster wheel.
Fun facts:
- Neb purrs at an alternating pitch of A0 and G0 notes.
- Neb thinks male-identifying persons should also hang out in the bathroom together in solidarity.
- Neb is concerned when you’re in the shower because you’re clearly being water-boarded and might need a rescue by Meow Team Six.
- Neb thinks he’s a dog and is fully trusting of humans to rub his belly and roughhouse with him like a puppy.
